Short or Medium?

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Whether I have my haircut at the salon or at home, the first question he asks after wrapping me up is “Short or Medium?”

I haven’t been able to answer this question with confidence all these years. Earlier, I used to say ‘medium’ just to be sure he doesn’t cut it too short. But when he stopped what seemed like halfway through to me, I would insist on cutting it shorter in some region of the head.

In the later years, I started saying ‘short’ and then added, ‘but not like the army’ just to ensure he didn’t take short too seriously. Of late, I don’t have to tell him that, because he knows that if he goes too close, there won’t be much left.

I asked my wife what answer I should give him a few years back and she yelled back, “Tell him whatever you want, but don’t cut it too short.” It didn’t help me a lot. After that, I started answering his question with a non-committal, “whatever you like.”

I should wait for a few more years, after which I am guessing that this question won’t arise.

Another question he asks is whether you would like it “straight” or “curved”  at the back. What difference does it make, I always wonder. I reply based on what my mood is.

Sometimes, he asks, “Scissor or machine?” Again I wonder what difference it makes.

When I had a bigger crop of hair, I used to say scissor. Now I say machine. I think it should have been the other way around. But at that time, I worried if the machine would get rid of my hair. And now, I wonder if the scissor would take too long.

A few years back, he used to ask if machine or razor should be used for the side locks. Nowadays, that question is not asked, but the question of how long the side locks should be arises.

I don’t answer short or medium for it. I simply point out with my finger till where I want the locks to be. Then he spends a couple of minutes shifting from left to right and then back to the left to ensure that they are equal in size. I close my eyes and let him do his job.

One question that he has started asking in the last few years while the hair cut is on is if I would like a hair colour. It is more a rhetoric as in don’t you want a colour? I generally reply in the negative after which he often tells me about the increasing grey vegetation on my head. In the face of my indifference, he asks if I need at least a head massage, implying that I must be a really stingy customer to settle for only a haircut. Sometimes, I oblige, based on my mood.

But haircuts haven’t remained simple. The next question arises. What oil do you want for the head massage?

I have never had any preference, so deciding between an almond or a coconut or a cool oil hasn’t been easy. I asked my wife once what I should answer. She said, “Anything is ok, but don’t come back with a smelly head.”

It gave me a solid basis for a choice. But I realised it was impractical as it was embarrassing to ask the barber to get the oil bottles closer to me so I could smell them before he used one of them. I started telling him to use whatever he preferred and stuck to that the next time as it didn’t smell.

Earlier they used to send me back with an oily head, but nowadays they give it a wash, which has made my choice of oil irrelevant. I have to move to another chair for the wash, and thankfully, have to answer no more questions till a careful drying and combing is done. After that, I am free to leave. No more questions to answer.

How much? is the only question I get to ask. He has a ready answer in the form of the bill. Over the years, that number has kept growing bigger with all the addons. The compensatory development, if you may call it one, is that I have to get a haircut now only once every 90 days instead of the earlier 45 days. But whenever I sit on that chair, I still can’t confidently answer whether I want my hair short or medium.

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