Satire

1. Politician comes to position of power and sets in place a proper system to implement corrupt practices. Initially he makes sure everyone in the chain is satisfied and gets his due, so the system runs smoothly.
2. After a while, he gets a bit insecure and realizes that he has limited time to ensure his life time needs are met. So he gets a bit greedy, and in the process misses to give someone their due.
3. If the politician is highly experienced, go back to Step 1 and keep continuing the iterations. He is then on his way to political superstardom. Else Go to Step 4.
4. Somehow word gets out, and a press article appears on how the politician is corrupt and has used his position of power for personal gains.
5. Politician reacts and says that he is being victimized by the opposition. Politician and his party continue to say that character assassination is politically motivated
6. Opposition says that they need an independent inquiry into the issue.
7. In case he is truly a big fish or on the way to become one, go back to Step 5. The arguments continue and eventually die out. Most ambitious politicians should aspire to stay in this loop for most of their lives. In majority of the cases, there is an agreement between the party in power and the opposition and the issue is settled. Only if things get serious or out of hand, Go to Step 8.
8. Forced by something which could be anything from not getting a share of the corruption money to taking advantage of the public mood, an inquiry has to be set up in excruciating circumstances – headed, in most cases, by a former, retired judge.
9. The opposition rejects the formation of the inquiry commission saying that the character of the person who heads it as well as the members is not spotless, and hence this is an eyewash.
10. Then after some time which could be a few months to many years, the inquiry gets done and a report is submitted, which finds some elements of wrong doing but no conclusive evidence. At this point, things generally close on the topic, or there is a demand for another investigation, in which case go back to Step 8 and repeat. Only if there is some serious suspicion, go to Step 11.
11. The original politician’s party, senses that it is time to distance themselves from the politician – and so says that the legal process will take its due course and they believe that our judicial system will mete out punishment to the offenders in case of any wrong doing.
12. As part of this process, someone from the opposition co-incidentally gets caught in an act of corruption. The opposition claims this is political vendetta. Go to step 11 and repeat for a few months and then go to step 13.
13. Finally the court hearing the inquiry commission asks them why they did such a shoddy job, and why a case was not registered, and then, due to this kind of embarrassment at the hands of the judiciary, some proof is quickly gathered, and perhaps a case is registered.
14. Hearings go on from lower court to upper court, Go back to step 13 for a few months, and then something happens and it looks like the politician may be cornered. Now go to step 15.
15. A bail application is then made by the politician’s lawyers, and it is mostly rejected.
16. The politician then falls ill and seeks bail on medical grounds – which is granted. Go back to step 13 through 16 and the process repeats. Finally in the rarest of the rare cases, in case he truly has no political utility for anyone, he has to resign.
17. If it is really bad with seriously bad media coverage, he may lose the election next time. If it is not that bad, and some damage control has been done, he may win or someone else from his party will win in his place.
18. A new politician comes to a position of power. Go to step 1 and repeat.

For individual investors who have ambitions to become market experts, I have devised a step by step approach that can be followed by almost anyone. No background in investing is necessary, but a learning attitude is important. It does not guarantee success (like market disclaimers!), but it is a sure and steady way to market expertise.

For those interested, here are the steps involved:

Step 1: Take any word in column 1 and another word in column 2 from the attached Excel sheet to form a cohesive set of meaningful terms. Like “Macro Environment” or “Monetary Policy”.

Step 2: Repeat step 1 to come up with two or three such cohesive meaningful terms. You can add more, but beyond two or three, it can tend to get difficult for people to believe that you are a genuine expert. So let’s say, you choose “Macro Environment” and “Global Uncertainty”.

Refer to the Excel file nonsense to practice steps 1 and 2.

Step 3: Now assuming you have mastered steps 1 and 2, add a few verbs to this term, and perhaps also a few adverbs after the term. This is actually something that cannot have copy-book instructions. Hence I do not have a table for it. But that’s where experience counts.

So finally after adding some non-core words to your core terms, you should come up with a nice expert sentence like: “Given today’s macro environment, lack of foreign liquidity and global uncertainty, going overweight is not recommended. Though long-term valuations and structural factors are still favorable.”

Or you could come up with something like: “The market may be going through technical consolidation, and fundamental research may not hold ground. Unless global cues are favorable.”

(Expert Terms underlined above)

Caution: Step 3 is very crucial to ensure that you have the right mix here. Do not go overboard in using the terms here. There is no sure-fire formula for this and can only be mastered with creativity and experience. It is a bit like cooking. An expert cook always knows what are the right ingredients and what should be their proportions so that the dish does not get spoilt. So keep practising step 3 till you reach perfection.

Step 4: Finally, any writer can write a speech, but it takes a true expert to deliver it in all seriousness. That is what step 4 is all about. Deliver it in true seriousness, preferably with a ‘lost in thought’ look, as if you actually understand what you are saying. That is the sign of a true market expert.

PS: For those who cannot master the steps just based on the notes above, practical demonstrations of step 1 to 4 are available mostly 24 by 7, but certainly between 9 am and 4 pm Mon-Fri on any business channel on TV.

One of the things that I learnt from the recent anti-corruption movement is that I think there is a generation of Indians who are the ‘in-between’ generation. People from the older generation were generally initially quite cynical, the ones from the newer generation were generally quite positive from the start, and a large part of the in-between generation were quite literally ‘in-between’. I may be wrong here, but this is just a point of view.

Generally, people talk of the Indian economy in two parts – the pre-1991 license and government raj and the post 1991 liberalization era. By way of distinct ways of thinking, I think there are three Indian generations. The pre 1991 generation that was born, and more or less done with a major part of their working life by the 1980’s and 1990’s.  Then there is a post 1991 generation, those who were born in the 80’s and 90’s, and who generally cannot quite imagine how life was before the 1990’s. And then there is the ‘in-between’ generation – people born in the late 60’s and 70’s, who grew up in the ‘government era’ and even, perhaps, started working in that era, but who were positioned to be the early beneficiaries of the economic changes happening right under their nose.

Not quite from the old era, not quite fully from the new era. Not quite held back, not quite breaking free, but caught ‘in-between’.

Like many of them never went outside India till they finished their education, and still a lot of them have seen the world. So a lot of them are caught between whether they like to stay in India and abroad.

Like many of them have seen job security in the early part of their careers, and then with increasing opportunities, have taken advantage of them, but have also seen the pressure that comes with it, and the demise of guaranteed employment. So a lot of them are stuck between whether it is a ‘me first’ or the ’employer first’.

Like the women in this generation are neither ambitious enough to clearly go for their career over family; nor are they willing to compromise on either one. So they are caught between ‘family first’ or ‘career first’.

Like the men in this generation want to have a life with their wife and kids, but they also think taking care of their parents is their responsibility. So the men are caught between their own family or their parents.

They want the good things that life offers, but have also seen what life used to be and could have been. So they are caught between chasing what is possible and being happy with what they have.

Look at it one way, this generation has been caught between a rock and a hard place. Look at it another way, this generation has got the best of both worlds.

May be there is some sense in this, may be this is fully my imagination. Perhaps the reality is somewhere ‘in between’.