Identity

“My father-in-law used to be a businessman,” Swami remarked while biting into his muffin. “But that was twenty years back. He is a grandfather now. And on weekends, he is a moviegoer.”

“Every few months, he becomes a traveller. He is also a devotee. And a reader. He has forgotten that he was a businessman, except when he talks of past memories.”

Jigneshbhai and I looked up at Swami and wondered why he was telling us about his father-in-law, out of the blue.

“Nice, many roles” I said, with nothing else to say.

“Yes, it’s nice, but I sometimes wonder,” Swami remarked.

This time Jigneshbhai and I took notice, while Swami reminisced over the taste of the muffin.

“What do you wonder?” Jigneshbhai asked.

“Hmm..,” Swami stared into blank space and said, “I wonder what our true identity is? I wonder that, twenty years from now, if I  will also forget Raichand and all these projects, why do I sweat over them so much now?”

Jigneshbhai and I looked at each other. Swami seemed to be in an uncharacteristically thoughtful mood. I hadn’t given this a thought. Jigneshbhai sipped from his coffee cup.

“Well, twenty years back, you took your studies seriously,” Jigneshbhai said, after a few moments. “Then you took your career seriously, then being a father seriously…”

“Yeah, true,” Swami interjected.

“It is a matter of different identities at different stages of life,” Jigneshbhai remarked. “You have many roles and identities even at any point of time, isn’t it?” he added.

“Many?” Swami mused.  

“You are a father. You are a professional.” Jigneshbhai said.

Swami added, “Yes. Like you are a businessman. An investor.”

 “And you are a fitness freak? And a foodie?” Jigneshbhai listed and winked.  

Swami winked and added, “You are an advisor. A friend.”

Jigneshbhai added, “And a coffee lover.”

Swami added, “And a muffin lover.”

Well, I got it. My friends were stuck. I felt like telling them to move on. I got the point. Everyone had multiple identities at any point. There was no need to list all of them.

“Ok guys, got it,” I said, stopping the flow.

“Oh, we got a bit carried away,” Swami smiled and stopped. “Multiple hats,” he added.

“But you can change these hats whenever you want,”  Jigneshbhai added munching a muffin. “Today, with Raichand, tomorrow on your own? Today a runner, tomorrow a cyclist?”

“Or a triathlete like Sam?” Swami winked.

“Why not?” Jigneshbhai remarked. “But some things you can’t change, whatever identity you take up.”

“Like?” Swami asked, wondering at the sudden speed breaker.

“Like you are extroverted. You are right-handed,” he added.

“And you are introverted and left-handed,” Swami said.

“And you are panicky and impulsive,” Jigneshbhai said.

“And you are logical and calm-headed,” Swami said.

“And you are studious but instinctive,” Jigneshbhai said.

“And you are practical but deliberate,” Swami said.

I again felt like telling my friends that I got it. This was not an English language test. Thankfully, Jigneshbhai took a halt.

“The point is you bring these unchangeable identities into whichever identity you take up,” Jigneshbhai said.  

“Yeah, you are right. father-in-law was an extrovert businessman. Now whether he is a grandfather, a devotee or anything else, he is an extrovert one,” Swami said.

“You said it. Whatever you do, you bring the same unchanging qualities of our nature,” Jigneshbhai said. He then picked up his coffee cup and had a sip. “You can’t change them,” he said.

No wonder Swami felt uncomfortable if asked to wait long for anything -whether it was on a project at work, or by his son at home, or even for the muffin at the café.

But I thought there was more to it than this. Our identities can’t be this fleeting, I felt. It can’t be based on external roles, like Jigneshbhai said. But nor can it be based on internal qualities, I reckoned. Both of them were fleeting, in a sense.

Like a businessman could become a grandfather, a calm-headed man could panic at times. If that was the case, what was our true identity? I wondered.

While I was lost in thought and pondered over the question, the wealthy old man walked towards our table and sat next to me and Swami. He put a hand on my shoulder and left me with more food for thought when he said, “Your true identity is within you. It is found when you stop being who you are.”

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