On Gardening

“To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow,” said Audrey Hepburn. I realized the truth in it over the past few months. The wife has been venturing into gardening – a small beginner home garden – for the past few months. She did most of the work. I was the observer, contributor, and co-passenger … Read more

Breakfast Types

There are two types of people in this world: morning types and evening types. There are two types of morning types of people in this world: the breakfast type and the no-breakfast type. There are two types of breakfast types of people in this world: the poha-idli type and cereal-sandwich types. I am a morning … Read more

Nonsense Generator

For individual investors who have ambitions to become market experts, my broker friend Jigneshbhai has devised a step by step approach that can be followed by almost anyone. No background in investing is necessary, but a learning attitude is important. It does not guarantee success (like market disclaimers!), but it is a sure and steady way to market expertise.

For those interested, here are the steps involved:

Step 1: Take any word in column 1 and another word in column 2 to form a cohesive set of meaningful terms. Like “Macro Environment” or “Monetary Policy”.

Step 2: Repeat step 1 to come up with two or three such cohesive meaningful terms. You can add more, but beyond two or three, it can tend to get difficult for people to believe that you are a genuine expert. So let’s say, you choose “Macro Environment” and “Global Uncertainty”.

Long-term             positions                buy

Short-term             policy                     sell

Underweight         environment         advise

Overweight            analysis                 hold

Structural              research                 observe

Global                    uncertainty           watch

Fiscal                      models                   take

Monetary              markets                 wait for

Domestic               scenarios               given that

Aggressive             investments          if you look at

Active                    valuations

Passive                   factors

Technical              institutions

Fundamental        Liquidity

Foreign                   consolidation

Macro                    Basis

 Cues                     Risk

Jigneshbhai says practice steps 1 and 2 well before moving to step 3.

Step 3: Now assuming you have mastered steps 1 and 2, add a few verbs to this term, and perhaps also a few adverbs after the term. This is actually something that cannot have copy-book instructions. Hence Jigneshbhai does not have a table for it. You will find some guidance in the column 3 above based on his experience.

So finally after adding some non-core words to your core terms, you should come up with a nice expert sentence like: “Given today’s macro environment, lack of foreign liquidity and global uncertainty, going overweight is not recommended. Though long-term valuations and structural factors are still favorable.”

Or you could come up with something like: “The market may be going through technical consolidation, and fundamental research may not hold ground. Unless global cues are favorable.”

(Expert Terms underlined above)

Caution: Step 3 is very crucial to ensure that you have the right mix here. Do not go overboard in using the terms here. There is no sure-fire formula for this and can only be mastered with creativity and experience. It is a bit like cooking. An expert cook always knows what are the right ingredients and what should be their proportions so that the dish does not get spoilt. So keep practising step 3 till you reach perfection.

Step 4: Finally, any writer can write a speech, but it takes a true expert to deliver it in all seriousness. That is what step 4 is all about. Deliver it in true seriousness, preferably with a ‘lost in thought’ look, as if you actually understand what you are saying. That is the sign of a true market expert.

PS: For those who cannot master the steps just based on the notes above, Jigneshbhai says that practical demonstrations of step 1 to 4 are available mostly 24 by 7, but certainly between 9 am and 4 pm Mon-Fri on any business channel on TV.

***

Logic of Decisions

“If we go by pure logic, no one has any reason to eat this double chocolate muffin,” Jigneshbhai remarked the other day. Swami scowled with his mouth full of two bites of it. “It’s logical to have it for its taste,” he said. “But logically, it’s not good for health, especially the frequency with which … Read more

Short or Medium?

Whether I have my haircut at the salon or at home, the first question he asks after wrapping me up is “Short or Medium?” I haven’t been able to answer this question with confidence all these years. Earlier, I used to say ‘medium’ just to be sure he doesn’t cut it too short. But when … Read more

Measuring What Matters

“You can slice and dice your data to come up with hidden insights,” boasted Swami while sipping his coffee the other day. He had come to the café straight from his office after a meeting with one of the data vendors. “Raichand was impressed,” he continued, talking about how the vendor presentations had made a … Read more

I am just a Facebook post

I am a Facebook post with 26000 likes and 1972 comments. And I almost forgot, 223 shares. Words and photos don’t count for much nowadays. They were a big deal in the olden days when every word written or spoken meant something. Every photo was looked at, in depth. Look at me. I have a … Read more

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