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Swami told me and Jigneshbhai about his last apartment association meeting over coffee last weekend.
“A lot of people complained about the stray dogs that made life difficult”, he said. “They claimed that they occupied parking lots in the basement, barked and ran after children,” he added.
“Yes, that’s true, right?” Jigneshbhai poked.
“Yes, they are right. They said the stray dogs rummaged through the wastebins creating a mess, and most of all, made the area dirty by pooping around wherever they went,” Swami added. “They were vehement that we needed to take some action.”
“Hmm.. and you are in the association, right?” Jigneshbhai nudged Swami, as I sipped my coffee. “So, what did you do?”
Swami stared at us sheepishly as he started reporting the chain of events. “The secretary suggested that I and some members go and talk to the representatives of the canine community.”
“Sounds like the right step to take,” Jigneshbhai remarked, and teased, “So you did go and talk, isn’t it?”
I calmed Swami on seeing his piqued look. I prodded him to continue his narration.
“The stray dogs were aggressive,” he started.
‘“But we are the original sons of the soil,” the dog leader claimed. “It is we who have been living here for generations before you guys encroached upon our land,” he asserted vehemently.’
‘“Yes, sir, but you must understand that now we have the occupancy certificate, and are legal owners,” I tried to rationalize with them.’
“Wow,” Jigneshbhai sneered, but Swami continued. He had got into the thick of things now.
‘“Who gave you that certificate?” an elderly grand-dog questioned.’ ‘We may not have any certificates, but me, my grandfather and his grandfather were all born on this land. By sheer birth, we have rights over it,” the grand-dog put their case forward.’
Swami took a pause to sip on to his coffee. “I felt a wave of compassion go through my heart. Maybe I had tried to get legal too early,” he told us. “Another member pulled me back.”
“Yeah, law should be last recourse,” Jigneshbhai sniggered. But Swami was relentless.
‘“Maybe they are right. We should not be too aggressive,” that member whispered in my ear.’
“I felt he had a point too.” Swami said, while I nodded my head amidst Jigneshbhai’s amused grin. Swami continued, unabated. “So I changed the tone of my conversation.”
‘“Yes, Dog Uncle, we agree. But let bygones be bygones. Just like you worry about your families, we also have families that we care about. And your children sometimes get aggressive with ours. Tell me, is that fair?” I asked.’
“That tone lit a candle of peace in the hearts of the canine community,” Swami claimed with pride. “The grand-dog and the leader dog then murmured something amongst themselves and came forward.”
‘“Ok. Let us fix play timings for your children and ours. Though before this generation of yours, we used to play together in coexistence,” the leader dog reminisced in the past. “But times have changed, and we have to change with the times. Is it only about the play times?”’
Swami’s face was now flush with relief in remembrance of the breakthrough he had achieved in his canine encounter.
“I felt I had a toehold in the negotiations,” he said, looking at us, and added, “The other members also smiled seeing the agreement. So I put in another of our complaints in.”
“You always get your timing right,” Jigneshbhai’s sardonic voice broke in. Swami paused, but I egged him on.
‘“Not just that sir. Some wayward members from your community make a mess of our waste,” I surged forward, “and then we have to get it all cleaned up,” I said. “We request them to wait outside for their food. Some compassionate members from our community will get them food at prefixed times. Is that a workable solution?”’
“I put my best negotiating foot forward,” Swami reported to Jigneshbhai.
He was expecting a nod of appreciation on his newly acquired skills, but Jigneshbhai sipped his coffee nonchalantly. That nod never came. Swami looked at me. I looked back with a favourable smile and signaled him to continue.
“It looked like the canine community found it satisfactory and nodded their heads,” Swami declared. “That’s when another member from my apartment pulled me back again.”
‘“The last point is about the poop,” he muttered.’
‘“One final point Sir. How do.. I… umm.. say this?” I hesitated, searching for the right words.’
‘“It is about.. well.. the open.. umm.. what’s the word.. open defecation.. that your community still resorts to.. I must say this is extremely embarrassing, especially when we have visitors and the first thing they see is…, you know… it doesn’t make a pleasant sight…as you would…,”’
“I tried to put the point across without hurting them,” Swami said, “but a young dog cut me short.”
‘“Well, we know.. This is a point we have raised in the past too, with your government authorities” he angrily barged to the front and surprised me and my delegation. “You have cut all the vegetation. That was our go-to place. What else do you expect? Where are we supposed to go?”’
“That dog clearly was irate. A senior dog tried to calm him down,” Swami seemed to have developed canine sensory skills.
‘“Sir, yes, I understand.. But still .. you can’t spoil our premises, that too every day,” I said. I didn’t want to back off from what was clearly a sensitive topic.’
Swami was now passionately thick into the helm of his canine affairs.
‘“We don’t want to spoil anything. We are peace-loving, clean members of society. But you left us with no option. You have to arrange for us,” the senior dog said stubbornly, nudging his leader.’
“I and the other members of our delegation looked blankly at each other,” Swami told us.
‘A known dog lover member came to the rescue,” Swami said. ‘“We are here to solve problems. How can we help?” he asked.’
‘The dog leader now walked ahead. “Well, you can, if you want to,” he said with a secretive smile.’
‘“Ask your government,” he continued. “Build toilets for us. Why can’t we get toilets? Aren’t dogs a part of Swachh Bharat?”’
***
For more funny and not so funny stories from urban apartments, check out the collection 2 BHK for Rent: Urban Short Stories from Keshav Kunj Apartment